FAQs

1. What do you actually make?

We make hand-thrown stoneware pottery with personalised (and often profane) wording.

Mugs, bowls, plates and the odd thing you didn’t know you needed — all thrown by hand, glazed with care, and finished with language your Gran might disapprove of.

2. Can I choose my own wording?

Yes. That’s kind of the point.

You can personalise your piece with a name, phrase, insult, in-joke, pet name, or sweary declaration of love. If you’re unsure whether your wording will work, drop us a message before ordering.

3. Is there anything you won’t put on a pot?

We love rude. We don’t love hate.

We won’t produce wording that’s racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, threatening, or deliberately harmful. If your request crosses that line, we’ll refund you and suggest something less grim.

4. Are the pots actually handmade?

Yes. Properly.

Each piece is thrown by hand on the wheel, trimmed, glazed, fired, and finished individually. That means:

  • Slight variations in size, shape and glaze

  • No two pieces are identical

  • That’s not a flaw — that’s the charm

If you want factory-perfect, go to Amazon!

5. How long does a personalised order take to make?

Because it is made to order, turnaround is usually 4-6 weeks.

This allows time for:

  • Making

  • Drying

  • Bisque firing

  • Glazing

  • Glaze firing

Pottery is slow. Swearing is instant. We’re working on it.

Sometimes — but not always.

If you’ve left it dangerously late and need a miracle, email us before ordering and we’ll see what we can do. No promises. Kilns do not respond well to bullying.

6. Do you offer rush orders?

7. Are your pots dishwasher and microwave safe?

Yes — stoneware is robust stuff.

  • Dishwasher safe

  • Microwave safe

That said, if you want your pot looking sexy for years, a bit of hand-washing now and then won’t hurt.

8. Will the wording fade or wash off?

No.

The text is either stamped, carved, or applied under glaze, then fired at high temperatures. It’s in there for life — much like the personality trait that made you order it.

9. Can I return a personalised item?

Personalised pieces are non-returnable, unless they arrive damaged or faulty.

If something’s gone wrong, contact us within 48 hours with photos and we’ll sort it.

Please check your spelling very carefully before ordering.

If you approve the wording and it’s spelled exactly as submitted, we can’t remake it for free — even if you suddenly realise you can’t spell “definitely”.

10. What if I make a typo?

11. Do you ship internationally?

No — we don’t ship worldwide.

But if there’s something you can’t live without message us and we will see what we can do. All orders liable for import duty are the customers responsibility.

Yes. Exceptionally.

Perfect for:

  • Birthdays

  • Housewarmings

  • Breakups

  • Weddings (the right ones)

  • People who “have everything” but lack pottery with swearing on it.

12. Is this a good gift?

13. Can I send it directly to the recipient?

Of course.

Just enter their address at checkout. No prices are included in the package, so you can look generous without revealing your spending habits. We will include a gift card with a message, just let us know what you’d like to say.

14. Do you do wholesale or collaborations?

We do, selectively.

If you’re a shop, brand, or creative with good taste and a decent sense of humour, email us with details and we’ll chat.